New year’s resolutions

‘Tis the season of packed gyms, picked over produce, and record lows in bar sales. But don’t worry, it’ll just be for a couple weeks until the majority of resolution-makers give up on that gym membership, healthy diet, or dry January. Everything will go back to normal soon. 

I know some of you are reading this and thinking, “Wow, aren’t you supposed to be encouraging as a pastor?” Yes, and the encouraging news is actually that there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t meet your resolution exactly as planned. You did not fail. You are not a weak person. You are a human being on the path to changing an ingrained habit that needs more than grit and resolve to see a new habit stick. 

When I worked as a counselor with those struggling with substance abuse, we taught people that relapse is not a failure of recovery but a normal part of it. Relapse is inevitable. You’ll miss a day (or a week) at the gym. You’ll splurge on those Christmas cookies that are sitting on the kitchen counter. You’ll have a glass of wine after a long day. However, it’s really not about that slip at all. It is about what you do after. 

Relapse ruins recovery when it starts a shame spiral. If you mess up and you feel like such a failure that you give up on the goal altogether, it begins to feel impossible to get back on track. But if you acknowledge the slip as a normal part of forming new habits, you can avoid a lot of heartache and a quicker pivot back to your goals. 

A wise man once said, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NRSVUE). After the dark of night, whether literal or illustrative of a relapse or mistake, morning always breaks. The faithfulness of our God is that God will never leave us in darkness but always has mercy and grace anew in the light of morning. 

Trust the process. Don’t give up. Lean on God’s strength and God’s mercy. Habits are formed in the little decisions we make every day to be a better version of ourselves than the day before—and in the ways we give ourselves grace for the times we plateau or backslide. Love yourself as God loves you—steadfastly, mercifully, and faithfully.